Sex Coaching, Tarot and the Value of Touch

A solo article for today. Chiara will be back for future articles.

Dear friends and readers,

I’ve been noticing over the years that as we get more involved with technology, we get less interested in each other in real time. It’s so easy to stay fixed on the endless possibilities of internet offerings and forget about our physical needs.

Especially since 2020, have you noticed that the hug factor has decreased a thousand fold? While how we touch each other emotionally, psychically and intellectually is just as critical, the essential nature of human to human touch is todays topic.

Any of you out there old enough to remember the AIDS crisis in the early 1980’s? You were supposed to avoid touching anyone that was gay. And too many people say “but we didn’t know”. Didn’t we? My mom helped to set up one of the first AIDS clinics in the country. She never wore a mask, gloves and didn’t sanitize all the pens when the patients filled out their intake forms. She was fine.

In the modern world, we have been conditioned to not touch other people.

During the early years of my teaching piano it was at times necessary to guide someone physically towards an improved technique. If they were having a hard time feeling 3/4 time, we got up and I taught them how to waltz!

Hugging and in some circles even handshaking has become considered unacceptable without a dissertation on whether or not it’s ok to do so. Even then it might be a problem. Those societal rules are not a healthy place for any of us. How do we unravel this to our advantage?

Lets start with knowing what it’s like to feel your own body. That may sound foolish or crazy, because you may be certain you can already feel your body. It’s likely you do on many levels.

But here’s what I mean by feel your body. There is a value to knowing your body and finding ways to reclaim the bits of it that may be “missing”. Many people who have trouble in their sex lives have trouble finding deep sensations in their bodies.

Stop for a bit and sit still. Don’t just read past this one - pause and get out of your head and into your body. Mentally scan your body from head to toe. Where do you feel tense? Are there places within that feel totally relaxed?

Just notice. Witness the body.

Remember how “in the moment” you can be during a massage. You can recreate this with a friend or lover by creating time for touch. Be sure to discuss limitations, desires and boundaries before engaging in a massage of any kind.

Your body is where your energy, passion and vitality lives and grows.

Generally, children seem to know their bodies, if technology devices are not their babysitters. They are vibrant and alive when given the opportunity to play outside. They have boundless energy. Contrast that with how you fill most of your days.

What brings your soul alive and makes your heart sing? What excites you? What makes energy just run through your body?

Taking the time to know your body, how it responds to  circumstances as well as self touch is well worth the journey.

Touch from another person can come from a variety of different intentions. There are healing, affectionate/playful, sensual, erotic and sexual touches.

There are times that couples stop touching altogether because there are misunderstandings around closeness that isn’t being discussed. This can relate to one (or both) person thinking that touch from their partner always means they always want to have sex. Sometimes a shoulder rub, a hug or other form of physical contact is purely affectionate - this needs to be understood between couples.

So how does tarot tie into all of this?

The Empress found in most decks is a great card for energy around nurturing, receiving and touch. She represents the integration of both male and female within, she embodies the erotic and procreative powers of sexual surrender.

I just picked up a new erotic deck called Decameron Tarot. Almost every card deals with some form of touch. This is based on a series of stories written in the 1300’s and covers a range of sensual, erotic and romantic highs and lows.

For instance The Chariot shows a wooden Medieval cart. A smiling man sits at the back of the cart. You see the legs of a woman dangling from the end of the cart and the man has gently lifted her dress to reveal the lower half of her bare body. The card represents the idea of pleasant surprises. As you can see, the potential delight is already in progress.

The Chariot from the Decameron Deck

The Wheel reminds us that one way disenchantments can be overcome is with the assistance of others. Here we see a Dom and sub/guardian watching over a 69-ing couple on the wheel. The Dom is close and ready to provide extra stimulation at any minute, awaiting the request from the couple.

The Wheel from the Decameron Deck

I received some advice on sorting through this card from

Larry Allen

. If you are interested in reading some amazing stories on the mystical aspects of BDSM, check out his Substack for information on his novellas. His writings are quite captivating.

Spicy deck - looking forward to doing some readings with these.

You can now receive a one page email tarot reading each month as a paid subscriber. If you have a particular issue or topic you would like to address in these readings, just email me at ivavz@mac.com at the beginning of each month once you subscribe monthly or annually.

These are not sex coaching sessions, but you can choose one erotic topic for your reading, as well as any other basic life inquiry such as clarity around work issues or interpersonal subjects.

Thank you for reading my Sex Coaching article today. I look forward to hearing from you in the comments or for a reading.